Nervous doesn't even start to cover it actually. You see, I'm hitting 'publish' on this very website next Tuesday and it's just about the biggest thing I've done so far to put myself out there since I started Urban Charms 12 months ago. Sure, there have been little wins along the way, but this time I feel like what I'm about to embark on could be life altering. I'm really doing it.
In the middle of the night I've pondered just what it is that's making me so anxious about the whole thing. I'm nearly ready. I will be ready. I've done all I can and I'm happy with the result. But I keep coming back to the same worry over and over again.
Failure or... get ready for it... success! They both scare me!
I have to admit I've been a bit of a people pleaser my whole life. Family admired my stamina to stick out that crappy job as a teenager when the going got tough. "She's nothing if not persistent." "That girl has stamina" they would say. I didn't work there for 4 years because I had stamina. Sorry, Grandpa. I stayed in that job because I didn't want to look like a quitter to you or anybody else for that matter. Because if anybody dear to me even entertained the thought that I was a quitter... then maybe I actually was one. My vision of self had been so distorted by what I thought other people wanted from me that I was never quite sure if any decisions I made were mine or actually someone else's.
So, fast forward to now - 30 something and about to rock a business I love. I'm still a bit of a people pleaser. I like to make people smile. I like to make people feel at ease and comfortable. But I'm good with that now. I see it as a gift now. I don't compromise my ideals or beliefs to make these things happen anymore. I CAN and DO actually make decisions for myself and I CAN and DO set healthy boundaries in a nice (and sometimes bumbling and inarticulate) way. I'm about to jump waaaay out of my comfort zone and it was ALL my idea. I'm about to nose dive into completely unknown territory with a 'proper' product AND service based business. I'm scared and thrilled all at once.
The nervousness begins when that people pleaser tries to take over and says 'Yeah, but Lisa. What if you fail? What if it all goes horribly wrong at the launch and you are embarrassed in front of the people you love? Worse yet.. what if you succeed beyond your expectations? Will you change? Will your friends still like you? Will you have to make changes in your life? Will you have to keep stepping outside your comfort zone to grow?'
And the answer, my dear friend, is who knows? I've heard it said that a huge percentage of what we worry about never actually eventuates, so I'm going to bite the bullet and do what makes me happy and navigate the hurdles when and if they come. If I make a mistake or fail, that's great. It's a learning opportunity. I say it to my kids in class ALL. THE. TIME. Time to start living by my words! And if I succeed... well, there are all kinds of ways to measure success, so I'll let you know when I get there. Whatever happens, the journey has been a blast!
If you have something that scared the life out of you but you did it anyway I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.
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Hi, I'm Lisa. To me, creativity is more than just a thing I do. It's who I am. You can read more about my story here.